My friends, I need to say this to all of you.

I am NOT engaged.

Ben and I did not break up, but I knew I wasn't ready to marry him, and two days ago, I told him so.

I take all responsibility for the fact that I said "yes" when he asked me. I said "yes" because I wanted to be on the same page with him, because I didn't want to ruin his moment, because so many people were waiting for my answer - including Ben's parents. So many people wanted me to say yes, and part of me did, too, so I did.

I realize Ben isn't going to be the only one upset with me to know that I ultimately decided not to go through with it. A lot of my friends thought it was a great idea for me to marry him. A lot of them were jealous. That's fine. They didn't know what it was like to be me. I know I might be ruining the highly romanticized view of marriage that a lot of my friends have. I don't see it the way they do. I'm prepared to have people hate me because of this... okay. no i'm not. but i know it might happen.

My parents believe that part of what a man has to go through, before he is truly an adult, is that he needs to learn how to take care of a woman. I believe that too - BUT - being a bit more liberated, I'm more inclined to think it goes both ways. Not only does a man have to be prepared to take care of a woman before he can be married, but the woman has to be prepared to take care of the man. Also, I believe that once you're engaged, you work towards being married, putting your whole life into the matter. I don't think either of us are ready for that.

When Ben asked me to marry him, he told me that he needed me. It's something he has been saying ever since our relationship began. I finally told him that I wasn't okay with that. He thought it over, and decided that he didn't like the fact that he needed me so much... and he was frightened that pretty much all of his life this past year has revolved around "us". So he decided, and I agreed, that we should spend some time apart, on a kind of sabbatical... it's not a breakup, he swore, it's more of a "break."

Perhaps some of you are mad at me for ruining what might have been a lovely example of a relationship working out. I still would like to offer you all this bit of advice, from a woman who truly loves the man who asked her to marry him.

NEVER marry someone because you NEED them - whether it be for financial reasons, emotional support reasons, sexual reasons or whatever reasons there might be. That is the kind of marriage that will do nothing but MAKE YOU WEAK. Ben and I were not a VERY bad case, but everyone should still know that you will never be happy if you have to depend on your spouse to feel complete. Before you get married, take the time you need to grow up. Go forward in your life and ESTABLISH yourself. BE somebody beyond who you're currently involved with.

And when you know you've got the courage and power to face the world on your own - then you're ready to get married.

I want Ben to be the best person he can be because I love him.